Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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