How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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