I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
