so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize