My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Enjoy the penises
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
