I'm going to jail i love you
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
