the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What drink are we having for lunch?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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