sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
