Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
