I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
