How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
