Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
