I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
