There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
