my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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