Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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