I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
