We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
