THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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