I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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