omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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