The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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