do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
