i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
