shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
