I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
