you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
