Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
