hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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