as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
