he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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