That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My ATM looks so different sober.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
