Can Purell be used as lube?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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