Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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