apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
