Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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