Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
