I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
