my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
