..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
