Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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