And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
