I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This toilet bowl is my home.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
