That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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