I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
