Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
