If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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