Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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