In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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