you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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