Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
