Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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