Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
