$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
