I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think people are normalizing furries
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
