Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
