Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He did a backflip because drugs
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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