i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
