Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
