I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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