my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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