What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
