he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i dont even know how to be here
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Found the puke drawer
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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