i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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