we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
