Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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