Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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