Kiss
Puke
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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