Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
