i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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